“I’m burnt out from emotional labour”
The burnout of emotional labour
As humans, we are wired to experience and express emotions. However, what many of us fail to realize is that emotions are not always a natural response to our surroundings, but can be the result of emotional labour. Emotional labour refers to the emotional work that goes into managing and regulating our emotions in order to meet the demands of a particular situation. Emotional labour is often expected of individuals in health-related professions, but is also prevalent in our personal lives. (Hello to the mother’s reading this post!)
Emotional labour can be both physically and mentally exhausting, leading to burnout and decreased satisfaction. In order to combat the negative effects of emotional labour, it is important to develop strategies to manage and regulate our emotions. Below are 10 strategies to help manage emotional labour:
Recognize your emotions: One of the first steps to managing emotional labour is recognizing your emotions. Once you have identified your emotions, you can begin to manage and regulate them.
Practice self-care: Self-care is essential for managing emotional labour. Engage in activities that help you relax and recharge, such as exercise, rest, or intentional movement.
Set boundaries: Set boundaries to protect yourself from emotional exhaustion. Learn to say no, and prioritize your own needs and well-being. Remember, the people who have a problem with you setting boundaries are often the people who have been taking advantage of you not having any.
Re-frame your thoughts: Positive thinking can help alleviate negative emotions. Try to re-frame your thoughts in a more positive or even neutral light. As humans, we spend an awful lot of time considering the negative, shift your automatic thoughts to explore the polar opposite - a very positive-almost-outlandish-thought. Now consider the spectrum you’ve created, the truth is that usually neither the very negative, or very positive thought holds any weight or will come true. A good strategy is to try to land somewhere in the middle.
Practice empathy: Empathy can help reduce emotional labour by creating a more compassionate and understanding environment. Put yourself in someone else's shoes, and try to see their perspective.
Use coping techniques: Coping techniques, such as deep breathing or visualization, can help you manage emotional labour in stressful situations.
Seek support: Seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional when needed. Support can help you name , manage and regulate your emotions.
Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being fully present and engaged in the moment. This can help you manage emotional labour by reducing stress and promoting relaxation. Intentionally connecting to the present moment has positive generalizations to other areas we are experiencing difficulty in our lives.
Develop emotional intelligence: Emotional intelligence involves the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. When you can raise the awareness of the emotions you are experiencing, you can begin the take actionable steps to help regulate yourself.
Take breaks: Taking breaks, even for just a few minutes, can help you recharge and reduce emotional labour. Step away from a situation when you feel overwhelmed or stressed.
Emotional labour can take a toll on our physical and mental well-being. It is important to recognize our emotions and practice self-care, set boundaries, re-frame our thoughts, practice empathy, use coping techniques, seek support, practice mindfulness, develop emotional intelligence, and take breaks. These strategies can help us manage and regulate our emotions, reducing the negative effects of emotional labour. By taking care of ourselves, we can better navigate emotionally demanding situations and promote positive mental health.
“I’m ready for therapy, but how do I find the right therapist?”
Finding the right therapist.
Lets talk about something that can be instrumental in managing our mental health- finding the right therapist. While there are multiple factors that can influence who we choose to work with, we believe these ten considerations are essential for anyone who wants to get the best possible outcome from therapy.
Specializations - When looking for a therapist, it’s crucial to consider their areas of focus. Some therapists specialize in working with specific populations, such as children or members of a specific community. Others may have experience working with specific mental health diagnoses, such as anxiety, depression or trauma.
Qualifications - A therapist’s qualifications matter- look into whether they have completed a degree program in psychology, counselling or social work. They should also be licensed to practice in your province. Some types of therapy require specific certification, it’s important to ask up front if you’re looking for something specific like EMDR (offered at Mental Wealth Counselling)
Personality - The relationship between a therapist and a client is an essential part of the therapeutic experience. See if their personality and style align with what you are looking for. If you want a therapist who’s empathetic and warm, for example, make sure to choose someone who has these qualities.
Approach - There are several therapeutic approaches available, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and humanistic therapy. It’s essential to know which approach is right for your needs and choose a therapist who provides that type of treatment.
Fees - Therapy can be expensive, and the fees can vary significantly. Make sure to consider your budget and check to see if your extended health benefits cover therapy from either a Social Worker or Psychotherapist.
Location - You’re more likely to continue therapy if it’s convenient to attend sessions. Think about the location of the therapist’s office and how easily accessible it is. There has been exponential growth in virtual providers. The team at Mental Wealth Counselling work virtually - clients share that this has been a benefit to them for things such as time, childcare, transportation, and feeling of safety/comfort in their homes (when applicable).
Availability - Some therapists may not be available for appointments outside of business hours. If you need a flexible schedule, it’s essential to choose a therapist who can accommodate your needs. This is a great topic to bring up in your initial consultation!
Communication - Communication is vital between a therapist and a client. Make sure to discuss how you communicate (if necessary) between sessions. For example, our electronic medical record system (Jane) allows you to reschedule sessions on your own, but if there is no time that suits you, you are free to email or text your therapist for scheduling matters. Discuss this with your provider, as each therapist operates differently.
Tools - Look for a therapist who offers innovative and necessary tools for mental health, such as relaxation techniques, or psychoeducational exercises to help bolster your progress outside of sessions.
Referrals - Having a client refer someone they know to us is the best compliment we can receive. Although many people aren’t open about their therapy journey - some offer insight to who they think someone may be a good fit for, or something they really like about the work they are doing with their therapist. This can offer some insight when you’re considering therapy, maybe it’s the humour used in session, or the way their therapist makes them feel. Having a referral for who to call can be a big factor in reaching out.
Finding a therapist who meets your needs and requirements is crucial to get the most out of therapy. It’s important to consider these ten factors when choosing a therapist. Ultimately, the right therapist should provide a comfortable space and create a collaborative, supportive experience for you to work through the challenges you’re having together.
“I want to get rid of my anxiety!”
“I want to get rid of my anxiety!”
Listen….anxiety is hard. Here’s the thing - it’s part of life. It can occur on a spectrum, as symptoms are actually there to give us information, something seems off, scary, too much, etc. Back in the cavemen days, humans would be exposed to threats often - perhaps a saber tooth tiger! When this would happen, our autonomic system would be activated (think fight-flight-flee). We would have to do something quickly to remain safe.
So maybe by now you’re thinking well, that’s no longer the case. And you’d be right. But here’s the other thing. When we have experienced something unpleasant, our bodies and brains remember that feeling (symptom), and when we feel that we will be faced with a similar experience, our brains/bodies tell us we will (almost certainly) experience the same symptoms, therefore, making us want to avoid that feeling (symptom).
The tricky part is that usually, the threat we perceive is not an actual threat. So our bodies/brains think we need protection, and send us symptoms/thoughts that we have to avoid the experience, or that we can’t handle it. Let’s use an example of public speaking. Maybe one time when you were in a classroom setting and raised your hand to answer a question, you answered it wrong, your peers laughed, and immediately you felt embarrassed. Your stomach started to feel nauseous, or maybe your breath became shallow, body temperature raised, your face got red - this is your body reacting to the stimuli it was exposed to. Now your brain has coded a cognitive rule ‘if you put yourself out there, you will fail’.
When we feel like we will fail at something, we obviously want protection from it. We want to avoid the thing we may fail at - at almost any cost. The other side to this is that the more often we avoid something, the more power we give the thing we are avoiding, and the harder it becomes to engage in the thing you’re avoiding. This is called the avoidance cycle. This cycle is incredibly harmful, not only because it keeps us from engaging in important activities and from important people and experiences in our lives, but because the threat we feel is perceived, but not necessarily real.
Many clients come to me and when we discuss their goals, they may say something like “I want to get rid of my anxiety”. And although I can see how that may feel desirable, it is not achievable, and at times, not safe.
Can you think of a time when you were outside walking around, maybe you saw an alleyway that would have made your trip shorter, but you avoided it because it was dark and looked scary? Maybe your heart was racing and your self-talk was telling you to just take the long way, as your body was experiencing a sense of fear. This is an adaptive form of anxiety symptoms, it’s functional - it’s telling you there could be a threat and you would have to protect yourself from. The racing heart is giving you information, and possibly keeping you safe.
In our earlier example, public speaking - when we can use our logical side of our brain we can engage in fact-checking behaviours, we can look at the evidence as to if it is even true that we will fail and end up embarrassed. Our body may be showing us anxiety symptoms that are not necessarily needed in order to keep you safe - your brain may be screaming at you not to try. This is maladaptive. This is a perceived threat without sufficient evidence of said threat.
So by now you may be wondering what you are supposed to do when you experience symptoms of anxiety - notice what I did there? I didn’t say “when you are anxious”, I intentionally created space between yourself and your symptoms. You are not anxious, you are experiencing feelings or symptoms of anxiety. This simple language shift can hold a lot of importance. We are not a diagnosis, we are people trying to do the best we can. So the next time you experience a feeling of anxiety, here are some things you can do after you’ve assessed safety (looked around your physical environment for immediate threats).
1 - BREATHE! No really, this sounds simple, but the impacts can be great. This is a ‘body-up’ approach, and by that I mean that we are engaging our bodies so they can send a signal to our brains that we are safe. Regulating your breathing when you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety is a crucial first step. You can begin by using diaphragmatic breathing, more commonly known as box-breathing or 4 square breathing. Picture a square with the number 4 inside. Now use the ‘4’ as a guide for how to pace your breathing. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold for 4 seconds. It can be helpful to find something square or rectangular shaped in our environment as a visual to follow while you engage in this exercise. Try this for 1-minute, repeat as needed.
2 - Ground yourself. These techniques can serve as a way to connect to the present moment, allowing you to remember where you are, who is around you, what you’re doing at that time, etc. Some popular grounding techniques include the 5 senses (5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste), finding everything that is blue in the room, or counting backwards from 10 for example.
There are other important practices that help us manage anxiety, which are more preventative in nature, rather than reactive (such as the examples above), they include, but are not limited to:
Sleep. Sleep is foundational, it sets the stage for how our day begins, and our ability to cope with daily stressors through self-regulation. If you have difficulty falling or staying asleep, there are some things you can do (including a visit to your Doctor). Limiting screen time is not only a gift for our brain, but staying off screens for at least 1 hour before bed can help your mind to settle. Getting exercise is also a helpful tool to enhance your ability to sleep (more on this below!)
Exercise. By now, we all know the importance of moving our bodies with intention. This can be difficult with how busy our lives have become and the responsibilities we take on, but the endorphins we experience during and after exercise is probably the most under-used natural antidepressant.
Talk to someone! This could be a professional, or a friend/family member. Being able to talk it out (externalize) your emotions can be restorative, and often our feelings and fears can become normalized when we name our emotions. When you’re struggling with anxious thoughts, it is really easy to feel isolated and that no one else feels the same way or understands - having someone to talk to can help to connect, empower, and meet socialization needs.
Journaling - this is another form of externalization. Getting your thoughts off of your heart and onto paper can help to understand what is going on, and perhaps what is at the root (underneath) what you’re experiencing. Along with journaling the anxious thoughts, I encourage clients to journal positive things too. We want to reinforce journaling as a helpful tool, and if we only journal negativity and challenges/struggles, we are at risk of generalizing your journal as something painful. I will be sharing journal prompts in another post, so stay tuned!
Limiting/Avoiding caffeine and alcohol. These can both intensify the feelings of anxiety, if you’re able to avoid, or limit your consumption, you may see a noticeable difference in your symptoms. Pay attention to how your body feels when you drink either caffeine or alcohol, our bodies will tell us first - we must learn to pay attention and listen closely.