Welcome to Mental Wealth Counselling
Hey there! My name is Kate and I am the Founder of Mental Wealth Counselling. We help you tackle life's challenges.
Ready to take next steps
If improving your relationship with yourself and others is important to you, you're in the right place. You want to get your life on track and take steps forward toward success in your job, relationships and self-acceptance. Perhaps you find yourself in a life transition such as a break-up, a new job, or you've recently become a parent.
You're finding that you've lost your motivation and you want to put a plan in place to find yourself again. You want to take care of these thoughts and be able to present to enjoy your family and friends again, and feel good about how things are going for you.
It can be difficult to reach out for help, especially when you’re used to doing things on your own. I want you to know that I’ve helped many people, just like you, recover their sense of well-being and self-confidence.
It is possible to find the balance and I'd love to help you.
Mental Wealth Blog
"Help. I'm Anxious!"
Listen….anxiety is hard. Here’s the thing - it’s part of life. It can occur on a spectrum, as symptoms are actually there to give us information, something seems off, scary, too much, etc. Back in the cavemen days, humans would be exposed to threats often - perhaps a sabre tooth tiger! When this would happen, our autonomic system would be activated (think fight-flight-flee). We would have to do something quickly to remain safe.
So maybe by now you’re thinking well, that’s no longer the case. And you’d be right. But here’s the other thing. When we have experienced something unpleasant, our bodies and brains remember that feeling (symptom), and when we feel that we will be faced with a similar experience, our brains/bodies tell us we will (almost certainly) experience the same symptoms, therefore, making us want to avoid that feeling (symptom).
The tricky part is that usually, the threat we perceive is not an actual threat. So our bodies/brains think we need protection, and send us symptoms/thoughts that we have to avoid the experience, or that we can’t handle it. Let’s use an example of public speaking. Maybe one time when you were in a classroom setting and raised your hand to answer a question, you answered it wrong, your peers laughed, and immediately you felt embarrassed. Your stomach started to feel nauseous, or maybe your breath became shallow, body temperature raised, your face got red - this is your body reacting to the stimuli it was exposed to. Now your brain has coded a cognitive rule ‘if you put yourself out there, you will fail’.
When we feel like we will fail at something, we obviously want protection from it. We want to avoid the thing we may fail at - at almost any cost. The other side to this is that the more often we avoid something, the more power we give the thing we are avoiding, and the harder it becomes to engage in the thing you’re avoiding. This is called the avoidance cycle. This cycle is incredibly harmful, not only because it keeps us from engaging in important activities and from important people and experiences in our lives, but because the threat we feel is perceived, but not necessarily real.
Many clients come to me and when we discuss their goals, they may say something like “I want to get rid of my anxiety”. And although I can see how that may feel desirable, it is not achievable, and at times, not safe.
Can you think of a time when you were outside walking around, maybe you saw an alleyway that would have made your trip shorter, but you avoided it because it was dark and looked scary? Maybe your heart was racing and your self-talk was telling you to just take the long way, as your body was experiencing a sense of fear. This is an adaptive form of anxiety symptoms, it’s functional - it’s telling you there could be a threat and you would have to protect yourself from. The racing heart is giving you information, and possibly keeping you safe.
In our earlier example, public speaking - when we can use our logical side of our brain we can engage in fact-checking behaviours, we can look at the evidence as to if it is even true that we will fail and end up embarrassed. Our body may be showing us anxiety symptoms that are not necessarily needed in order to keep you safe - your brain may be screaming at you not to try. This is maladaptive. This is a perceived threat without sufficient evidence of said threat.
So by now you may be wondering what you are supposed to do when you experience symptoms of anxiety - notice what I did there? I didn’t say “when you are anxious”, I intentionally created space between yourself and your symptoms. You are not anxious, you are experiencing feelings or symptoms of anxiety. This simple language shift can hold a lot of importance. We are not a diagnosis, we are people trying to do the best we can. So the next time you experience a feeling of anxiety, here are some things you can do after you’ve assessed safety (looked around your physical environment for immediate threats).
1 - BREATHE! No really, this sounds simple, but the impacts can be great. This is a ‘body-up’ approach, and by that I mean that we are engaging our bodies so they can send a signal to our brains that we are safe. Regulating your breathing when you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety is a crucial first step. You can begin by using diaphragmatic breathing, more commonly known as box-breathing or 4 square breathing. Picture a square with the number 4 inside. Now use the ‘4’ as a guide for how to pace your breathing. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold for 4 seconds. It can be helpful to find something square or rectangular shaped in our environment as a visual to follow while you engage in this exercise. Try this for 1-minute, repeat as needed.
2 - Ground yourself. These techniques can serve as a way to connect to the present moment, allowing you to remember where you are, who is around you, what you’re doing at that time, etc. Some popular grounding techniques include the 5 senses (5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste), finding everything that is blue in the room, or counting backwards from 10 for example.
There are other important practices that help us manage anxiety, which are more preventative in nature, rather than reactive (such as the examples above), they include, but are not limited to:
- Sleep. Sleep is foundational, it sets the stage for how our day begins, and our ability to cope with daily stressors through self-regulation. If you have difficulty falling or staying asleep, there are some things you can do (including a visit to your Doctor). Limiting screen time is not only a gift for our brain, but staying off screens for at least 1 hour before bed can help your mind to settle. Getting exercise is also a helpful tool to enhance your ability to sleep (more on this below!)
- Exercise. By now, we all know the importance of moving our bodies with intention. This can be difficult with how busy our lives have become and the responsibilities we take on, but the endorphins we experience during and after exercise is probably the most under-used natural antidepressant.
- Talk to someone! This could be a professional, or a friend/family member. Being able to talk it out (externalize) your emotions can be restorative, and often our feelings and fears can become normalized when we name our emotions. When you’re struggling with anxious thoughts, it is really easy to feel isolated and that no one else feels the same way or understands - having someone to talk to can help to connect, empower, and meet socialization needs.
- Journaling - this is another form of externalization. Getting your thoughts off of your heart and onto paper can help to understand what is going on, and perhaps what is at the root (underneath) what you’re experiencing. Along with journaling the anxious thoughts, I encourage clients to journal positive things too. We want to reinforce journaling as a helpful tool, and if we only journal negativity and challenges/struggles, we are at risk of generalizing your journal as something painful. I will be sharing journal prompts in another post, so stay tuned!
- Limiting/Avoiding caffeine and alcohol. These can both intensify the feelings of anxiety, if you’re able to avoid, or limit your consumption, you may see a noticeable difference in your symptoms. Pay attention to how your body feels when you drink either caffeine or alcohol, our bodies will tell us first - we must learn to pay attention and listen closely.
